Crypto markets defy gravity as Bitcoin flirts with $100K and Ethereum 3.0 goes live. Meanwhile, regulators scramble to keep up—when has that ever worked?
### Bulls Charge Ahead: BTC Eyes Six Figures
The king coin tests resistance at $98,450 as institutional inflows hit record highs. Traders whisper about a potential liquidity squeeze—short sellers, consider yourself warned.
### ETH 3.0 Launches With a Vengeance
Vitalik's upgrade delivers 100K TPS out the gate, leaving legacy finance systems looking like dial-up internet. Gas fees? What gas fees?
### SEC Chair Grilled Over 'Outdated' Crypto Framework
Congressional hearing turns fiery as lawmakers demand clarity: "Are we regulating technology or protecting banking monopolies?" (Spoiler: It's the latter.)
### The Ironic Twist
Wall Street giants now hold more BTC than Satoshi ever did—the ultimate "if you can't beat 'em, hoard 'em" strategy. How's your fiat performing again?
